. . . since I posted anything. And where does my mind go from this? Long Time . . . Boston.
My favorite song from high school was this “good-bye – moving on – looking back” song. At this point in my life, I can say with all honesty that for me “Long Time” by Boston is the best rock-n-roll song.
I know, my opinion, right?
But now, I can sing the lyrics and let them speak wisdom to me. Not just pain.
You see, me and my high-school sweetheart, this song was “our song.” Yeah, our song was a good-bye song. How smart is that? And we obviously didn’t make the long haul. I have come to terms with it, although it has taken me a long time.
We dated four years before we married. Our marriage lasted seven years. For years after we split, he would haunt my dreams. Like it or not, suppressed issues muscle their way out in my dreams. Something about the first love, the defining relationship, hard to let go, had settled itself into my subconscious whether I liked it or not. But I’ve done my homework. I’ve done a LOT of soul searching, learning, praying, growing. I forgave him without any validation of his part in our failure other than being young and stupid. I had to. I could only work on my part in the scenario. That work AND time has healed the wound. Better character has emerged.
I am happy to say, those dreams have changed – the true test. In that uncontrollable dream state, when he came back to find me, I didn’t understand why he was there. He was not invited. He is not welcome. He no longer holds anything over me. I have mourned our loss, and I am truly free.
Perspective really helps. My daughter (not his thank GOD) is now the age that I started dating him. Sixteen is a very young age to start a relationship. Sixteen enters a relationship for very different reasons than 28 or 42. Sixteen has no clue. Sixteen with self esteem-father issues is fodder for the selfish man.
By the age of 20, sixteen had a clue, but married anyway out of fear of the unknown. From the perspective I have now, I understand. And I forgive that young, ignorant, angry, fearful sixteen year old girl.
So that’s my story that goes with the song Long Time by Boston. Take a listen. The prelude is called “Foreplay” and is a way cool lead in to the song. I used to crank it up to 10 on my dad’s stereo system, open the windows, and air-guitar and sing at the top of my lungs! Loved it. I still love it. True love passes through the tough times. At least one of them did. :o)
It’s been such a long time, I think I should be going
Time doesn’t wait for me, it keeps on rolling
Sail on, on a distant highway. I’ve got to keep on chasin’ a dream
I’ve gotta be on my way, wish there was something I could say
Well I’m taking my time, I’m just moving along
You’ll forget about me after I’ve been gone
And I take what I find, I don’t want no more
It’s just outside of your front door
Well I get so lonely when I am without you
But in my mind, deep in my mind, I can’t forget about you
Good times, and faces that remind me. I’m trying to forget your name
And leave it all behind me. You’re coming back to find me.
PS. My favorite Middle School song was My Love Is Alive by Gary Wright – and is attached to nothing but the time. Gotta love it!